Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.

I find myself struggling more and more with an either/or proposition. As schools across America embrace the importance of Social Emotional Learning (SEL) it seems that many want to focus on either belonging or grit. We hear criticism when adults – be it coaches, teachers, or directors – push student to reach their edge.

I don’t believe that pushing a student, challenging a youngster to fight through a difficult situation, is diminishing their sense of belonging. I don’t believe active coaching isn’t cultivating a sense of self. Motivation and encouragement is personal . . . it is different for every student. We want our students to fail from time to time; learning from failure is a true characterization of a growth mindset.

As adults we must teach students that work is hard; we must do the work. We must teach students that not everything is fun; it isn’t always about voice and choice. We must do the work. We must show students that teachers, friends, and colleagues are support; that we are stronger together. When times get tough, when we travel difficult roads, there are often beautiful successes at the end.

If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be more happy with more? – Roy T. Bennett

We live in a “more world.” From social media to popular reality television shows, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others with more. Our children are developing in a culture where someone always has more, bigger, and better. Society is seemingly tipping, or has tipped, to value “stuff” over valuing “people.”

The growing field of happiness research is clear – having more doesn’t lead to happiness. Living a happy, positive life that has purpose leads to having more. We must be grateful every day for the blessings in our lives. Our gifts are plentiful. Let’s commit to shifting value back to service and purpose.

People who avoid discomfort create more of it. Discomfort can be delayed but that only makes it grow deeper and harder to climb out.

How often are you faced with choice to either have a difficult conversation or put it off to another time?  How often do you hope, do you wish, that a situation will “work itself out” without you needing to get involved?  

When we avoid discomfort more often than not we make the situation worse.  When we delay that tough decision or that challenging conversation, the ultimate solution often becomes more difficult with time.  

We must press pause to get our minds right, but then we must step up.  We must act with purpose because making a difference requires action.

Where there is a void in communication, negativity fills it.  – Jon Gordon

We live in a hypercritical, immediate response world.  When there is a void, unfortunately there is a panoply of negative, pessimistic people to fill it.  From Facebook to Twitter, from blogs to online editorials, there is no shortage of people who want to blame someone else for their problems, complain about their position in life, and defend the very behavior that created their current environment.

We have a duty . . . an obligation . . . to shine light into the darkness of pessimism.  As educators we have a responsibility to teach optimism; to model the scientifically proven fact that positivity creates success.  For every opportunity provided to us, we must fill any void with positive communication.  

The more you expand your power to those around you, the more powerful you become.

True power isn’t individual.  Exceptional leaders exponentially expand influence through the empowerment of those around them.  Authoritarian, top down leaders, are limited to their own knowledge and skill.  Collaborative leadership is limitless; it has endless capacity.

Don’t lead by your title or organizational authority.  If you truly want to lead, do so through trust, respect, and service.  Model the behavior you desire from others; lead with humility, kindness, and love.

Grit is believing in yourself.  Without belief, you will give up.

We hear a lot about grit these days.  We know we are living in a global, rapidly changing world that demands we learn from mistakes.  We are going to fail . . . we are going to miss the mark from time to time.  

When we live our lives with purpose, when our values are in alignment with our behaviors, we don’t give up.  When we believe in the work we are doing, when we are committed to the Power of the Team, we demonstrate grit.  If something is worth doing, you must believe in it.  When you are purpose-driven, and you have trust in your team, you will persevere and do the work together.

An extraordinary life is created by stringing together extraordinary days.

There is no shortcut to success.  There is no path to elite that doesn’t include failures, obstacles, and struggles.  Our life’s journey is marked with successes, failures, and constant learning.  The students in our schools must find both success and experience failures as learning experiences.  School is a safe place . . . a place specifically designed to learn through experience.

For every student in our buildings to live extraordinary lives, we are required to balance goals and process.  It isn’t about the single action; it’s not the success of today.  What creates extraordinary is the commitment to be discipline and focused each day.  When we are the best version of us today, it is extraordinary.  When we act with purpose day after day, we can achieve great success.  Make today extraordinary.

Our attention tells the brain what to repeat.  Thus, to encourage excellence we must “spotlight the right.”

What we think, our self-talk, determines how we behave.  Negative people, those who are always focused on other’s faults and blame everyone else for their troubles, unknowingly sentence themselves to negative lives.  Negativity is a cycle.  More importantly, negative people spread their negativity to others.

Positive people, those who “spotlight the right” and share gratitude for others, are tipping the scale for success in their favor.  Brain research confirms, the chemical composition of our brains change when we are positive.  We are healthier, happier, and more successful when we discipline our thoughts to focus on the positive aspects of our lives.

The science is clear.  There is no reason to be undisciplined and permit ourselves to dwell in negative, critical behaviors.  Be intentional.  Remove yourself from negative environments and be discipline in your self-talk.

Happiness is not something ready-made.  It comes from your own actions.  – Dalai Lama

There is no easy way to find happiness.  We’ve all heard, the best things in life are often the most difficult.  Happiness is up to you.  It isn’t found in a self-help, or motivational book unless you are willing to do the work.  The path to success demands that we both have vision for the journey and do the work along the way.

We must teach our children that true success demands hard work, skillful action, and discipline decisions.  Our success is dependent on us, on our ability to work in teams, and on a commitment to excellence.  No one succeeds alone . . . but each individual must stand up and own their actions.

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness – Ralph Waldo Emerson

No one is happy all the time.

I’ve heard Shawn Achor and Michelle Gielan – two bestselling authors and researchers on the topic of happiness, who are also married to each other – share that they aren’t always happy.  We all face sorrow, grief, and anger in our lives.  We live in a broken world and pain is part of life.

What makes some people happier than others is how we respond the grief, sorrow, and stress.  Do we have support systems, friends, and colleagues who lift us up? Do we have a mindset to respond to appropriate action?  Do we have the tools, the discipline, to shift anger into action?  To shift from self to service?   When we stay angry we lose opportunities to seek happiness.